A Long Night

As the night goes on you find yourself totally alone with your thoughts... You try every possible thing to not think about it, but it just wont leave you alone..
along with these thoughts is this feeling of suffocation... you know you are alive but still the reality is so disturbing you just cannot accept it...
And you find yourself asking that what exactly was your fault? Why did you had to meet the same fate over n over?
Why did the ones who were supposed to be your source of happiness had to give you this pain?
Where would you go ? Who will you share your problems with? When the ones you shared your everything with were the who were the cause of it all?
And on top of that you just have to fake a smile and say everything is totally fine when in reality your world has crashed down right in front of you...
Its like a betrayal you did not expect... but you can't blame them

either since you are just stupid... you are stupid enough to let them do it to you, its like you practically gave them a shovel to dig up a grave and bury you right in there and then forget all about you

And the worst part is that you cant tell anyone about it cause it will ruin their image in the eyes of others so its like protecting them while killing yourself internally...
How will you pass the night when you are completely aware of your serious anxiety attacks which are severe enough to make you lose control of yourself and cause the whole house to come running from their sleep?
And what exactly can you explain them? Why are you behaving in such a psychotic manner?
when you yourself are trying so hard to deny that any of it actually happened to you...but this strong pain in the chest wont let you be at peace nor would this throbbing in your head leave you alone along with this shortness of breath... its like your whole body can feel the pain of this betrayal... What can one do under such circumstances?

Trapped in Love

I am sure many of us stays in a relationship despite how much the person they love hurts them

they cant seem to get out of that relationship or get themselves to break up with that person, even if that person is just toying with them, taking them for granted or taking advantage of their affection or perhaps that other person is too immature and cant seem to understand how much they are hurting us unconsciously but still ... 

like an idiot we love them too much to let go of them regardless of everything...

 This is for all of you ...

For Those Who Cant Read My Handwriting here it is:

Like A Voodoo Doll You Hold My Heart

Poking And Hurting Or Caressing Softly

You're The One To Hold The Strings

Making Me Crave You and Torment Me From Within

You Very Well Know All The Tricks Around

Just A Little Sweetness Is All It Takes
To Keep Me By Your Side Like A Dog Sitting On The Ground
But Is It All Am I To You?
A Little Puppet To Dance For You?
Satisfying Your Needs Whenever You Want
With No Say Or Whatsoever And Follow All Your Commands?

Sure My Love For You Is No Lie
But If That's How You Wanna Play This Game Than I Beg To You
Please Crush This Heart And Let Me Die...

Written and © S.Naila Ahsan

Happy Valentines Day !

Ok..
So the most Fret over and largely celebrated day among the teens as well as anyone who values love more than anything is finally here xP

I honestly never celebrated this day (Forever Alone Girl) and i don't really know how it must feel to spend this day with the one you love the most but still...

 For all those who truly loved someone with all their heart regardless of all the good and bad in them this song by Avril is one of the best one to express your feelings
For me also, this song hold not just one but few very precious memories.
Even if things are different now, these things can never ever change.
And of course this is for all the anime lovers out there also *-*
Lol i guess i am getting carried away xD 

Anyway, i don't know about you guys but for me this day has been unusually boring , had to empty out my room for painting, entertain my newly shifted little cousin and spent rest of the time crafting hearts with nobody to give it to :P (height of being forever alone :P)
But at-least i am not the only person alone today
Aligarh has been infected with swine flu preventing people from going out
So as a 'certain someone' said that if we cant enjoy this day today then why should they? xD

Anyway i hope everyone had a nice Day today ^^
and here is a little example of my lonesome heart xD
A Very Happy Valentine's Day everyone ♥\( *-* )
May You have an unforgettable day xD

#HappyValentinesDay  #Heart  #Romantic #LoveIsInTheAir  #Romance  #Teen  #Teenage  #Relationship  #Love   #ValentinesDay2015  #Craft

Rebound Relationships

Why do people opt for rebound relationships? 

Specially when they aren't even over their past?

Loneliness? to kill off emptiness by having someone around? Need someone to baby them out? Or falsely telling themselves that they are in love when in reality in every step with the current one they can only see the past rather than the person who is there for them?

What exactly is the point of  it anyway?

I mean if you aren't really over your past then you cant really fully love the person who is there for you

I know that it isn't easy forgetting our past and to be honest nobody can ever fully forget it but still...
How exactly is it fair on the person who is there with you in the present?

People don't understand that in the process of this whole thing they are just playing with the feelings of the person who is caring for them.

You may think that the other person isn't aware of it but you are wrong, they know all of it yet they silently stay with you, support you in everything, regardless of how much it might be hurting them because they truly care about you.

Nevertheless, its as good as using them for your own sake , and hurting them while trying to heal your own self
And i don't think that is fair at all.

I believe that we should fully let go of the past before moving on to next relationship or go for a rebound because these things can make neither you nor the other person happy  and it ends not too greatly for either of you.

What Does It Take To Forget?

I guess its easy to live life somewhat with positivity without looking back and moving forward
but is it easy to remove certain things from our memories  altogether? I suppose that's a stupid question to ask but I still wonder

how many of us can forget things and also remove them from our unconscious mind?
Is it even possible to do so?

I don't really know much about spirituality or however these things works

But when we have long forgotten things in our lives, why do they still haunt us in our dreams?

The tears which we never shed when the painful incident occurred

Why do they fall in the dreams so uncontrollably?
Why is it that it feel like we have no pain and our feelings all cold and we are living our life happily and positively
Yet in our dreams it hurts so much that you cant breathe?

I keep telling everyone that its pointless running after something which you know you cant have
So why do we still do that?
Why cant we just grasp the Happiness which is right ahead of us?
Why does this unconscious mind takes over and makes us stagger around the negative path when we aren't even aware of it?

Lol
This might be my first most confusing post ever for certain people
who are just as clueless as i am when it comes to these things xD

Dont Say you Love me

So My sister was listening to 'Heaven candlelight version' in her room with her husband and i could hear the song all the way to my room
and then lines started coming on their own in my head

i think its more than a year since i have written something 

so this is what i ended up with

i know its so not perfect but what can u expect for after more than a year later writing? =P

anyway

for those who cant read my hand writing xD

Here goes:

Don’t say you love me
When you don’t really care
Don’t tell me you'll wait for me
When you aren’t even sure
i have lived through once
In the life of ultimate fairy-tale romance

And getting my hopes up that someday

This girlish dream would come true

But alas!

The expected heartbreak had to come

To shatter all my beliefs

And wake me up from the childish dreams

Don’t even try to reach me

When you are looking elsewhere

Coz i am no longer a child

To believe in such sweet nothingness

So leave me alone with my solitude

Because when there was no one left for me

It’s the only thing which remained

So don’t dare to tell me to trust another person

Coz i am already done

Believing and getting deceived at the end,

I appreciate your efforts and everything you give

But what’s the surety that you won’t betray me the same?

So please try to understand my friend

I am better off alone

written and ©S.Naila Ahsan